Food Allergies and Fabulousness.

It’s an apology to myself...  …for letting myself spend too many years feeling less than good enough.  …for comparing myself to people, rather than embracing being unique.  …for letting mediocre men walk all over my heart.  …for spending too many years “playing dumb” because that’s how society told women to act to get a man.  …for frying my hair for years because the early 2000’s taught us if we weren’t bleach blonde, we weren’t hot.  …for starving myself for years because I thought the number on my jeans defined me.  …for not taking care of myself like I should have; mentally, physically, spiritually, or emotionally.  …for making excuses for the behavior of those around me. …for allowing anxiety to rule my life for far too long.  …for all the self doubt and being scared to succeed. …for thinking being a single mom would make me undesirable.  …for thinking I couldn’t do any of this alone.  …for not being thankful for all the blessings this life has given me. 

 I am so glad today is my Friday. It's been such a long week. Working the walk-in this summer is really taking a toll on me. I've also had a lot on my mind lately. I'm not sure if I actual miss my ex, or just miss what I thought he was. Either way, I don't want him back. I really just want my stuff back so I can block his number and move on with my life. It wouldn't be such a big deal, but he has a $200 hair dryer of mine, and all the alcohol I bought on the world's worst vaction. I also pissed because he and I planted potatoes, and I don't get any. I really wish I could get the past two years of my life back, and ruin things differently the next time around. Maybe instead of dating these mediocre middle aged men, I'd just get a sugar daddy. I just want to be done dating for awhile. Maybe I'll spend the rest of this year single, and start fresh in 2024. I really like this last guy I've been seeing, but I'm not mentally all in right now. I nee

 For what ever reason, I’ve spent the morning reflecting on my past relationships and my past actions. Apparently, I was either been color blind or stupid. I would just seem to ignore those red flags. Being a nurse made me feel like I could fix people. I also always thought I’m worth changing for, and men would want to change for me. Delusional. People don’t change unless they want to change. I stuck around way to long too many times. The last guy locked me out a hotel room. Twice. Almost exactly one year apart. And I stuck around after the first time and cried over him? Why?! Clearly he wasn’t what I needed in my life. He wasn’t good for me. I stayed with my ex husband after he abused me and cheated on me multiple times. I would beg men to not leave me. I would beg for time and attention. I would be happy with the bare minimum from men. It’s all laughable now. I’m so glad I’ve changed. I used to really want to find love. I thought a man would complete me and make me happy. Again, delu

 My girl Sierra killed it today! I finally took a little time to pamper myself. We started the process of lightening my hair, I can’t wait until the next appointment!! Definitely worth the 3 hours and all the money I spent!! 

  Odin decided to play football. This will be his first year. I am a football fanatic, but never wanted to push it on him. I was so excited when we asked if he could try it for his 8th grade year. He’s been going to summer workouts and camps. He’s loving it. I’ve been absolutely ecstatic, until this morning. It hit me. He’s going to take the field for his first game. Fully dressed. Under the lights. He’s going to line up. The ball will get snapped. He’ll make his first tackle. His name will be announced though the stadium. Everyone will cheer. And my dad won’t be there to see it.  I ugly cried this morning. I thought I’d been through all the firsts without dad and Jo. This is one I never thought would happen. He never wanted to play. But anyone who knows me, knows my love for the game. Football was the glue to my relationship with my dad. He had me running routes when I was 3 years old. I know the refs signals. I can tell you where most NFL players went to college. I watch the draft ev

 Do you ever randomly hear a song and it hits you like a truck? That just happened to me. Leave it to Taylor Swift to hurt my feelings.  I’ve heard this song a million times. I know the words. But for some reason, the lyrics really got me today. ‘ Exile ’  is a song that was written about miscommunications in relationships, and in the case of this song, I imagined that the miscommunications ended the relationship. They led to the demise of this love affair, and now these two people are seeing each other out for the first time, and they keep miscommunicating with each other. They can’t quite get on the same page, they never were able to. And even in their end, even after they’ve broken up, they’re still not hearing each other. So imagine the beginning would be his side of the story, the second verse her side of the story, and the end would be the story of them talking over each other and not hearing each other. It really does seem to be about the tragedy of two people, of two ships pass