Honest Feelings.

 After a great week, a fun filled weekend, lots of positive thoughts, and working so hard to better myself...I have hit a slump. It might have been caused by Father's Day. It might have been caused by feelings of lonliness. Or maybe it's caused by grieving the relationship I thought I had. I've been so strong, haven't cried, felt really good about myself. But to be honest, I am hurt. I thought I finally had the relationship I wanted. I was happy. I thought there could've been a future. I was never looking for marriage or a big commitment. I just wanted to not have to worry about whether someone truly wanted me or not. Then to have someone say it was all lies and basically leading me on, really sucks. I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was. He was my best friend. I told him everything about me; the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's hard to grieve something you know wasn't real. I don't know why he led me on. We made plans for months a head of time. I just lost a bunch of money on a hotel room I booked for a weekend away, and still need to sell the concert tickets. I have football tickets to sell, because who wants to go to Louisiana alone?  I may never get the stuff back I left at his house. We planted a little garden, I'll never know if the potatoes grew. He talked to me about houses, farms, food trucks, kids, vacations, everything. Made me feel like he wanted me around and saw me in his furure. It just sucks to be dropped by someone who made you feel something special. I could never treat anyone that way. I just hate being lied to and made to look stupid. He did both. I will probably never talk to him again. I know I am far from perfect. I know I am annoying. I know I am a huge pain in the ass. But I did not deserve that. 

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