The Awakening.

 In the past 24 hours, I have felt more like myself than I have in the last 4 years. It’s amazing how good it feels to get back in touch with yourself. I started with a new therapist, to get a male’s prospective. That’s going well. I’ve been physically active. Mentally active. Spiritually active. I’ve been dancing around my apartment again. I’ve made plans with friends. Odin and I are making a list of things we want to do one the weekends this summer. I’ve found new ways to relax my body and my mind. Had I not gotten my heart broken, my eyes never would’ve been opened. I don’t blame him for breaking up with me. I put him through a lot. I would’ve broken up with me long before that. I complained a lot. About everything. I was critical. I was mean. I was a shell of who I once was. I just wasn’t fun anymore. I wasn’t crying all the time, but I went to bed early. Never left the house. I wasn’t able to laugh at myself anymore. I stopped doing the things I loved. I had worked so hard on my anxiety and grief, I had forgotten to work on getting me back to my fun loving, goofy self. Poor guy spent a year around me and never saw me in anything but granny panties. I have a drawer full of sexy things, and he only saw me in nude color high waisted underwear and full coverage bras from Walmart. I would’ve broken up with me too! No man wants a woman like that! I lost 20 pounds, but didn’t know how to let myself feel sexy again. That’s something I’m really working on. Gotta get my sexy back. I’m too young, fun, and beautiful to live like an old lady. I feel like a weight has been lifted. Had I not lost him, I wouldn’t have found me again. 

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